Six Months
lol
It’s actually something of a personal triumph that I came back to writing anything in this at all. My internet history is littered with non-returns to things that seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don’t really have anything to write about tonight either, but it can’t be a coincidence that I suddenly felt compelled to write after I unsubscribed from emails from Substack. Gmail even asked me at one point if I wanted to keep receiving them because I never read them.
I’ve also noticed that Twitter does this thing now where if you retweet a news story without reading it it asks you if you want to read it first. No Twitter, I don’t. You know damn well I’m retweeting it for 3 likes and to keep up the pretence of having some semblance of online presence outside of watching on average three films a day. I read the headline, I got the gist.
My 15yo once again told me that I need to go on Tinder again last week. This was after I revealed that I had gone eight days without shaving, the longest I’d ever gone, and that I was quite proud of my achievement. The reality was that I didn’t fancy shaving during those few days of weather hell last week, where I’m sure any attempts at shaving would have ended up with me peeling off my entire face.
The last time they told me I should go on Tinder was when I started a collection of ketchups. I can see their point, I guess, and it has been approximately quite some time since I have had the companionship of a person of a somewhat amorous nature. Then again, there are figuratively many reasons why I will not and, perhaps, should not attempt to use any dating or shagging app that I do not have time to go into here. Or anywhere, really.
Because I’m sure that at some point I’m going to bump into someone on my daily trip to the Co-Op for ciabatta rolls and they’re going to think, “Hey, he seems nice!” It’s not happened yet but I’m overdue, right?
I also just realised that I’m a romcom single dad with precocious kids dropping not-so-subtle hints that I should get out into the dating world, and then end up having dinner with someone and accidentally calling them a shitbag or something. Great.
I’m not going to mention to 15yo I was blogging at 1:15am though otherwise they’ll sign up for me.